related to my most recent post
My dad’s girlfriend (Julie), who really never comes over, has arrived and brought her granddaughter (Savannah, of whom she has custody over). Savannah is only like 3 or 4. Savannah goes literally everywhere with Julie.
I go grab some tea from the kitchen while Savannah watches Disney in the other room. Dad and Julie are outside smoking a cigarette or something.
Savannah quietly follows me back into my room without asking. This is perfectly fine but unexpected. She comes up next to me, while I am sitting at my computer, and asks what this balloon thing is on my wall.
(excuse how ugly my room is)
I told Savannah that the moon balloon (which is actually some sort of vinyl blow-up novelty) was my mother’s at one time.
Savannah asks why.
I tell her because it was my mom’s and i wanted to keep it.
Savannah asks where Mom is.
I try to explain that she isn’t here.
Savannah asks where she is.
I explain that Mom isn’t “with us” anymore.
Savannah asks where Mom went.
I attempt to explain that Mom passed away.
Savannah doesn’t get it.
I have to blatantly say “Mom died”.
Savannah just replies with something short, innocent, and simple like “oh”.
This is all still perfectly fine but I believe this is first time since Mom died that I have had to confront the issue so dramatically…almost in some sort of movie-like fashion.
Sure, I’ve cried gallons of tears to my friends (…and probably to anyone, really) but I feel like I have dealt with my loss in quite a mature way. I can’t recall the last time I have had to face such an awkward circumstance or the last time I have written about anything so serious (publicly, that is). And don’t get me wrong, I’m not “sad” or “morose” right now by any means…but I absolutely had to get this moment out. The innocence of this child has taken me aback with something I can’t explain. I almost want to say “it’s not her fault” but that’s so far out of context. I suppose it’s just something surprising to have to address.
So, anyway, this was your unintentionally sad moment for the day.